Saturday, 12 July 2014

Paranoia, Paranoia, Everybody's Coming To Get Me

So this week's opinion post was going to be about Rhino.

Image © Tabercil via Wikimedia Commons.

Except that when I started writing it, it ended up far too long.

So instead of boring you, I'm splitting it in two.

And this week, I'll be ranting about Rob Van Dam.

You may be asking why I'm bothering with this story. It's been years. Why should we still care?

Well, wrestling has a short memory, but as Jim Cornette once said, it takes seven years to forget a story.

This one isn't quite four yet. It still counts.

So let's cast our minds back to late 2010.

TNA had just revealed Immortal.

Everybody knew Eric Bischoff was a heel authority figure.

Now. Pretend that you're a TNA wrestler from back then. You're both a face and part of a group that Bischoff wants gone.

Imagine that he tells you that one of your team-mates has been calling him, trying to join his evil group.

Do you believe a word he says?


If Bischoff tells you that the sky is blue, you go and check, and you take brass knuckles because it's probably a trap.

Image © RGPhotography via Wikimedia Commons.

Unless you're RVD. Then you believe every world and start wildly accusing your friends of betrayal.

This is why I hate RVD.

First, he believed Eric freaking Bischoff.

The man is practically a Saturday morning cartoon villain. All he needed was a moustache and Miss Tessmacher tied to railroad tracks.

So when RVD took him at face value, he looked unbelievably gullible and naive.

And okay, Rob had recently suffered betrayal from Jeff Hardy.

But he'd been friends with the other ECW Originals for almost fifteen years. He should know them better.

And finally, Eric Bischoff hates your group and wants you gone. He will lie to you.

Maybe it would have worked if RVD had been subtle about his doubts.

I don't know. He was too busy being irrational and pointing fingers at everybody he knew one after the other.

Image © Nemo via Pixabay.

And every single event that prompted this was an asinine misunderstanding.

Sabu accidentally hit Rob with a chair. Or Raven got jumped at the top of the ramp. The sort of thing Rob could misinterpret as malicious intent.

And yet nobody thought to Tivo Impact and show Rob that these things were accidents.

Yeah, everybody had the Idiot Ball in this plot.

In the end, Tommy Dreamer had to literally beat some sense into RVD at Turning Point.

And because they were too busy wrestling each other, they couldn't help the other EV2.0 guys in their match.

The one with contracts on the line.

That they lost.

Which meant Sabu got fired.

And that is why I hate Rob Van Dam.

Because he's a man who will treat his friends and loved ones with suspicion and doubt because his sworn enemy tells him to.

Oh, and did I mention that they constantly implied his paranoia stemmed from smoking weed?

Image © United States Fish and Wildlife Service via Wikimedia Commons.

In summary, RVD is an awful friend.

And it doesn't end there.

– Stark

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