Oh boy. This episode of Impact.
Well. Let's get the good and mediocre stuff out of the way first before we dive into the sea of awful.
I liked Team 3D versus the Hardys. It was a good piece of nostalgia bait. And Jeff nearly killed himself as always.
Abyss and Bram's confrontation was a lot of fun. I look forward to their third match last week. And I appreciate that "Stairway to Janice" isn't a word salad match title.
Speaking of word salad titles, I also enjoyed the X Division match. Although having said that, I guessed within thirty seconds who the last two men would be.
And who was going to win.
The X Division is far too predictable these days.
Uh, I sorta liked Gunner, Ken Anderson and Samuel Shaw's bit.
But the match between Anderson and Gunner ended too soon. And they didn't set up the impending Shaw and Anderson match at Hardcore Justice properly.
At least, I'm assuming there will be a match. The previews suggested it.
The best match of the evening for me was probably MVP's group versus EY, Bobby Roode and Austin Aries.
Don't get me wrong: the Hardys and Team 3D were good.
But, well. Austin Aries, guys.
James Storm has apparently snapped. He's kidnapped Sanada and tied him up in a shack in the woods.
I don't know, people. What do you even say about that? It's surreal.
As for the Knockouts, their match was mediocre. It bored me. And they're teasing a Beautiful People break-up already.
Why couldn't we have had that Taryn Terrell and Gail Kim re-match instead?
And now we come to it. The parts of the show I despised.
I'll go into this more next Saturday, but I'm convinced that EC3 is a Designated Villain and Bully Ray is a monster.
Why? Well. Remember when Bully was feuding with Anderson?
Imagine that instead of threatening Anderson's wife, Bully put her through a table.
We'd be behind Anderson all the way and baying for Bully's blood.
"But that's different!" you cry.
Why? They're both female civilians with no wrestling experience getting put through tables.
I don't care if you think that Dixie is the worst human being to touch wrestling since Vince Russo.
EC3 is right and this storyline is freaking sick.
Oh, and Kurt getting EC3, Rockstar Spud and Rhino arrested shattered my suspension of disbelief.
Anderson and Bully trying to set each other on fire? No cops.
Bram wrapping a steel chair around Eddie Edwards' neck and trying to kill him? No cops.
Bully breaking and entering at Dixie's home and threatening her? No cops.
Three dudes refuse to leave the ring? Cops galore! Because it's not like we have security!
And finally, the #ItHappens moment itself.
Endless replays. Taz and Tenay gloating. And good people like EY yukking it up over her getting assaulted.
What a pile of mean-spirited bullshit. I feel like a worse person for having watched it.